My last 7 weeks have been hell; my beloved dog fell into a sink hole and became paralyzed, we then spent 3 weeks trying to help her heal (with medical assistance from a large facility), only to have to put her down because she wasn’t recovering, but suffering.
During this time my guts hurt and I stopped sleeping, I’m seeing a Psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. I’m now on medication to help with my guts and I can now sleep through the night, but every day I feel exhausted and energyless, as well as prone to outburts of crying.
Has anyone else been through something similar, and if so, what helped you get through the days?
I’ve been doing a lot more physical exercise, breathing exercises, listening to music, napping when I can or just resting, but I still have a problem with being motivated to do things.
I cant say I experienced what you’re going through
But I can sure see how it could have that effect
2019 was not a great year for me to start with
Xojo let me go. And our Buddy was not very well at the time. He’d recently been diagnosed with a large tumour on his throat. He passed just a few months later.
But I had already signed up to volunteer for Ski Patrol. And dammit I wanted to do it because I felt I needed something challenging that WASNT work to push myself and prove to myself I could still take on hard things and succeed.
And not just hard things at work - something way outside what was normal
And that motivated me to do SOMETHING - but it wasnt work.
And that focus on something else helped me a lot
I still cry when I think of him being gone
And sometimes I still have sleepless nights when I think I hear him barking
But they are few & far between now
So I dont know if Find something that ISNT work that you love & go do it is good advice or not
but it worked for me
EDIT and now I have to go go get this crap out of my eyes
I can’t say I have felt as down as you are describing, but same as you, I recently had to put one of our Basset Hounds down, due to a tumor in his lung and pnumonia(?)… It was hard, and it doesn’t get easier… But you have to think back on the good times you and she had. and the quality of life you provided for her… And just think of her sitting on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge patiently waiting for the time when you can join her again.
Sorry to hear that Sam. Feel for you.
People say that the best way to help someone ‘down’ is to listen.
Probably the forum isn’t the best way to do that, leaving only suggestions as a possible help…
I offer 2 things that helped me.
One (possibly) - St Johns Wort tablets. They take a while to kick in and it can be hard to equate cause with effect, but Ive taken them for a year and do feel better.
Two - be busy busy, but with ‘not work’ - Building sheds, digging gardens, helping someone else with manual stuff, or even with their business.
You might struggle to motivate yourself to do things for yourself, but if you make yourself beholden to someone else, it will drag you out of the couch and into the sunlight.
There’s a lot of good advice in here. I want to mention a few things that were helpful for me, that I didn’t know or understand when going through my own troubles:
Take time to grieve. Grief takes many forms, and has no set duration. Do what you need, take as long as you need. If someone says there is a formula, or magic process, or a timeline, they are selling something.
Feeling exhausted and energyless is normal. You’ve had to use a lot of emotional energy. Get the rest you need.
Outbursts of crying is normal. And if you are in a safe place for it, let it happen. Holding it in will eventually cause physical pain.
Motivation will return when you heal. If you try to force it, and push yourself, your body will force you to stop. Try to gently do the tasks you want to be motivated to do, it’s okay if you only start it, and do a little more tomorrow. If you find yourself hurting or hurting yourself to push through or stay composed, it’s past time to stop.
A therapist has been incredibly helpful for me, and for me, probably the largest reason I’ve gotten through a lot. There are therapists that specialize in grieving too, but even those that don’t can help guide you through it, without judgement.
When you look for things to busy yourself, look for things that help others. Volunteer in your local school, shelter, pantry, etc. Places where you are needed but not pressured are great for getting back up.
Don’t be afraid to ask those close to you for help. Help doesn’t need to be specific. Help can be anything, like:
A hug
a shoulder to cry on
sitting in silence with company
Just company, at home or for errands
help with food or cleaning
a ride when you feel a drive might be too difficult.
I know much of this might be basic and well known, but I kinda grew up under a rock. If it’s stuff you know, I hope it was at least a helpful reminder.
And as much as someone can care for others over the internet, there are people that care about you here. Some of us have commented on your post.
I’d say the shorter a depression is, the “easier” it is to escape from it.
I can’t give a good advice to Sam, having myself never found a way to solve my depression, but my vision is that depressions that are relatively recent are often “resolved”. It may not sound bright right now, but it’s a hope to keep in mind.
Medication is complex. You have to find the right product that won’t turn you limp or otherwise has no effect or side effects. It all depends on the cause.
You can suffer from lack of serotonin, sudden losses of important things, etc. There’s not a single kind of depression, I’d say.
Does she forget less things when she takes her medication? (i.e. am I reading it correctly?)
Absolutely
Why I said its AN option but not the only one
All the time - with or without the meds - they dont affect her memory
Her memory has been getting worse & worse for 40 years
Now the changes are really pronounced
Short term memory retention is nearly 0 so something we tell her now wont be remembered by later today
Next day she wont recall we even talked about it
But, she IS 88
The meds DO help with her depression
But nothing else
First I have to say: I feel for you. And yes, I had this also in a comparable form after one of my dogs was leaving the world. It is a hard time because a member of your family is now missed. A person, a character, all of this is not there anymore. That hurts. That changes things. And you need the time to get over it. Like others also told: working helps a bit. And thinking to the good times also. And do also things you love to do which are not work. Otherwise the hole will get deeper and deeper.
I’m not sure I can find words to help. But I’ve lost pets, father, mother, and got burned-out few times… and I’m here. So you should too. When I’ve lost my father, after 8 months hospitalized, and my family got virtually bankrupt due to that, I was 20yo. I couldn’t remove him from my head, he was living in my head all the time. Then I started to work like a horse so I couldn’t have time to think about it, more busy, more things to think about it, less memories to hurt my mind. I was passing much, much more time at work than at home. And I was living in my place, a rented place, not in my house where my father lived, that maybe helped a bit too to handle memories faster. Then, suddenly, I had other things to think about and that extreme pain and sadness had no more chances with me. Later more events came, and I could handle them all, each one, in a different way. Surely sometimes I needed long recovering naps due to exhaustion, never used medications because I’m not a fan of them and afraid of developing some dependency. Everything will pass, and you must overcome the events and continue. Find your way. Do exercises, find a way to clean up your thoughts, find a way get back to work and work hard and focused as much as you can, avoid contact with your ghosts (memories) and if you get support from your family you probably will get better faster. Work until tired, with a busy mind, then rest, repeat. Those were my friends to recover, then I decreased the charge when recovered the peace.
I think and deeply believe that TEA is not enough to get over something like that. And Stoicism: it is not enough to get over the pain. If yu are able to: congratulation. I am not. And many others also not.
Most people’s lives will at some point be affected by unpleasant events that were outside of their control. Imo stoicism doesn’t lead to breakdowns or heart attacks it reduces the risk of them by regulating and moderating your response to things you couldn’t influence anyway.
