My Therapist says the quickest way through Grief is to confront it head on. So we’ve been going to Chino’s favorite places (and crying), been eating the food that we would share, that she loves (and crying). Given how tight we were, my own home is uncomfortable as it is a constant reminder that I’ve lost my beautiful little girl.
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Hi Sam,
I can only say “This too shall pass”
It is important not to spend time looking at yourself. Self inspection is the same as depression.
Focus on the good things in your life and remember “there is always a secondary gain” - even if it is hard to see at first.
The community respects and admires you. There are good reasons for that,
Phil
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Hi Sam,
I know we’ve chatted about things over email recently, but I thought I’d add that I completely agree with your therapist about facing grief head on.
As we spoke about, my Mum died a few weeks ago and I very much share your feelings of exhaustion and lack of motivation right now. I think this is natural and something that everyone goes through with grief.
Dad died back in 2021, after which Mum had a breakdown as she’d lost her partner of 60 years. So rather than deal with my own grief, I looked after Mum. As she began to recover from the breakdown, dementia set in very quickly, so we never really got her back after Dad died. But again, rather than deal with any grief I had over Dad, or face losing Mum slowly through dementia, I just went into ‘look after Mum’ mode. There was stuff to do, which meant I could ignore my feelings.
Because of this it took me years to really process Dad’s death and the grief would constantly come back in waves. It really wasn’t healthy.
With Mum’s death I’m trying to face things head on. We had to make the tough decision to let her go and not continue treatment, which I know deep down was the right decision, but I still question myself every day. Watching her slip away over four days was terrible, but I know giving any more treatment would have prolonged her suffering and only delayed the inevitable. It’s too raw now, but I know that sometime in the future I will be glad I was there to hold her hand.
I can only offer my empathy and sympathy and say that I can completely relate with how you feel right now. Do face your grief head on and never feel bad about crying. It’s what I’m trying to do now and I can say that I feel better at this point than I did when Dad died.
Much love and remember that you are not alone. We may only be internet friends, but it’s better to talk than bury things deep inside.
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Reading your message made me cry, and left me not knowing what to say.
I’ve tried to reply a couple of times, but I can’t see clearly right now. I’m finding myself dwelling on Chino’s final moments today, which is something that I thought I’d stopped doing. I’m going to have to take a break from the computer I think and try to focus on something else for a while.
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