Funnies - contribute if you have a good one 😂

The following ad appeared in the Atlanta Journal in the US in the ‘Singles’ column:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship. Ethnicity not important. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. When you get home from work I’ll be at the front door wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 555-1212 and ask for Daisy.

Over 1500 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an eight-week old black Labrador retriever.

:joy:

:thinking: Did anyone take her though?

An old man, because of his grumpy, miserly ways, had no friends.Just before he died he asked his minister, doctor, and lawyer to gather around his bedside.

“I have always heard you can’t take it with you, but I’m going to try. I have $90,000 under my mattress. It’s in three envelopes of $30,000 each. I want each of you to take an envelop now, and just before they throw the dirt on me, you throw the envelopes in.”

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelop into the grave.

On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said: “I don’t feel exactly right. I’m going to confess. I needed $10,000 badly for a new church we’re building, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 into the grave.”

The doctor said: “I, too, must confess. I am building a hospital and took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000.”

The lawyer said: “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you both. I don’t see how you could take that money. I threw in my personal cheque for the full amount.”

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It’s been a long lean season and the eagle is sitting up on his perch looking for something, anything to eat.

Out on the desert floor he spies a mouse and immediately descends and snatches the mouse up and eats it in one big swallow.

Feeling better because his belly is now full he goes soaring on the uprising air currents.

After a while as he rises through the air he hears “Hey ! Hey ! Eagle !”
He looks around and there is no one else around.

He again hears “Hey ! Hey ! Eagle. Down here” and there is the mouse with his head stuck out his rear end.

The mouse asks “Whatcha doing Eagle ?”

Eagle replies “Well since I ate you I’m going flying to see what else I can find”

The mouse comments while looking down “Oh we’re up a long way aren’t we ?”

Eagle “Yes indeed we are”

Mouse “How high would you guess we are ?”

Eagle “Oh I dont know. Maybe 9000 feet”

Mouse “You wouldn’t shit me now would ya?”

ba da bum

My Dad and oldest son are lawyers, I tell this joke at least twice a month when we are having a family reunion.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”

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But he said throw the ENVELOPE, didn’t say “with the money” :smiley:

Leave it to lawyers (and Dave) to find a loophole :wink:

A classified ad in the 1990s cracked me up, so that I remember it to this day.

It was an ad that simply said “Speech Therapist”, which then gave a phone number and concluded, “Leave a message.”

Think they ever got the irony of that ? or maybe it was placed deliberately ?

One “legend” is the infamous introductory Linux course prof walks into the lab
Everyone is busy typing and poking around all the prof does is write

cd / ; rm -rf *

a bunch more typing ensues then he turns around

OK now that you have wiped out the machines that were configured with Linux and you were logged in as root … we’re going to learn how to install linux from scratch

I have no idea where this supposedly happened or when or if its just an urban legend