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Iām more into Web UI these days (Iām the dev of ABMaterial & BANano on the B4J forum) so I canāt really comment on the pure java UIs. I know it has improved greatly over the last decade but I guess it all depends on what your users want.
Yes, I have seen your creations, and also tried ABMaterial a couple of years back when I evaluated B4J for a web project. Great workt on that 
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As discussed in other topics here, Iām a fan of the āsameā look on each platform, rather than the ānativeā look. But this is because we rather write apps that are used by bigger companies. We (and they) find it easier for giving support. For off-the-shelf apps, ānativeā is probably more wanted from what I read here on the forum. And many others just donāt care as long as it does the job.
Iām in that camp also, which is why I went with Xojo in the first place. I want to design GUI in one place, and use that on all platforms.
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We do prefer a stable programming environment
That is extremly important. Iām a āone man bandā, and I dont have time and resources to deal with bad Ideās and buggy frameworks.
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The B4X community is also a lot bigger and that results in many more ālibrary/pluginā devs. Most are free and even open source. I for example will also open source ABMaterial in the near future
Yes, and the community is extremly active it seems. Thats always a good sign.
My worries is mainly starting a project, and then down the road realize that the ecosystem Iām chosing
is not up for the task, as is my main worry about Xojo, hence this threadā¦
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I see B4J uses JavaFX, does that mean it can use all third party JavaFX controls?
If you cant answer that, maby someone else know?